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Ohhh, you’re dressed as Michael Jackson? That’s creative. October 26, 2009

It’s the Monday before H-ween which means I’ve only been agonizing over my costume for…3 weeks. In this post, FITK gives you our top 10 favorite culinary themed costumes of the year.
Personally, I’ve already done my usual annoying field research when I run a variety of costume ideas past my circle of trust (read: whoever is on gchat at that moment) and came up with some mediocre reviews of what I had in mind.
I considered Chris Brown, Kanye West and Lil Wayne, but as I am extremely politically correct, it made no sense to provide a public showcase advocating domestic violence,alcoholism or sweet sweet dreadlocks. I’m also super weirded out by recent news reports that Billy Mays costumes are flying off shelves with his family’s blessing…(”ohh totally halloween USA, we would love it if you made a mockery of our father by reducing him to a Canadian tuxedo/glue on beard costume and thousands of kids yelling “the power of real oranges!!”) so i steered clear of being Billy (even though Oxy Clean REALLY DOES WORK) I was then SUPER STOKED to be a “Free Bernie Madoff” protester with Free Bernie T-shirt and sign…But I was told by a friend that some people who’d be at the party I will be attending are some of his victims and that would hit a lil too close to home.

Which leads me to the whole point of this post. You too are looking for something amazing to be on Halloween. You want that perfect blend of topical recognizability and creativity so you can enter with the right ”i didn’t cop out and dress as Michael Jackson” bravado.  The below 10 ideas may help you get to the promise land of costume immortality which is instant recognizability, constant props for an awesome get-up and maybe even a # after your sweet culinary themed costume allowed you to break the ice with the sexy Michelle Obama.  

Since food is SO HOT right now and EVERYONE is all like “I’m so into food” ,chomp chomp, blog, blog, bravo tv etc., here is  FITK’s list of downright awesome culinary costumes for 2009.

1)

 Guy Fiere. This dude has quite possibly the coolest/easiest job of all time. He goes to restaurants all over the U.S. and then takes gargantuan bites out of food. He follows up with mouth full-eloquent gems like  “ohhhh mannnn! That’s super flavorful!” or “oh my god. That IS delicious.” If it’s a hamburger he’s eating he’ll usually say something along the lines of ”you can really taste the beef in that.” (Why he does not yet have a pull string doll is beyond comprehension). The things about Guy that make him such an awesome hween costume are:  He has no manners as far as we can tell, he wears sunglasses indoors on the back of his head bc he thinks its cool to do so , he is messy as hell and doesn’t care, has no volume control and cracks grandpa pun style jokes. I mean this is a guy who has the audacity to go into other people’s restaurants and put his fingers in their master sauces then lick his fingers. If you want an awesome excuse to do all of this on haloween, Guy is your man. Remember the Arm bands and flame button down. Here’s an SNL skit for some inspiration.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/101514/saturday-night-live-cooking-al-fresco

2) A food critic : wear a turtle neck, a wig and sunglasses (or some variation of a bad disguise to “fool the waitstaff”) and then insult everything that is going on around you in a snooty tone. Make sure to pile on the insults regarding the ” limited drink selection focused mainly on Russian spirits that neglects nearly anything Spanish or from California” and the party snacks which  “were offensively salty, unimaginative and wholly disappointing on a myriad of conceptual levels” leaving you the critic “confused and questioning whether the host truly evaluated how the overall experience would be harmonious and fulfilling for the party attendees.” When you leave, make sure to tell your host that “while you found the ambiance homely, the sound levels were deafening, the bathroom was in disarray and that they, (the host) only asked you how you were doing once. Pin 1/2 a gold star sticker to their chest and walk out.

3)

Padma. Now, padma is a thunderfox, so you could go tradish h-ween and dress super sexy in a mini dress or lingere and just say “ohhhthis needs salt” and “i think mine is rare” looking around kinda aimlessly for approval, or you can go the funny route which is to be pregnant, wear a Moroccan flowing pantsuit, furrow your brow constantly and reply to every single person with compassion “please pack your knives and go.” Either way, don’t forget the arm scar.

4)

 Rachel Ray : This one can be tricky because you don’t want to come off as just being an annoying mom who uses “cool” lingo. So do a little research into her dress and hairstyle to get it right. Carry around your G.B. (”garbage bowl”) a bottle of EVOO and constantly say “how good is that! Yum-O!!!” and other baby talk phrases that she uses on a normalbasis. Also hammer home RR by making it crystal clear that you are a cook, not a chef.

 (sidebar – The pic above…REALLY? Wow America, W-O-W.)

5)

Gordon Ramsey. Get ready to have everyone hate you all night. Buy a blond wig. Wear a chef’s coat. Put a pencil in your ear. Swear at everyone. Use the F,C,T,B and R word.Knock things over in mock disgust.  Call everything rubbish. Smell something and say “this smells like a baby’s diaper.” Around 11pm, make a big deal about getting a phone call hearing one of your 11  restaurants in Dubai have closed. Really milk GR for all he’s worth since as a very rich celeb chef with TV shows, he is not governed by social norms. For one night, neither are you.

6)

Todd English – Yep, we are so going here. Slicked back hair, nice suit. Big smile. Two black eyes. Fat lip. Carry around the NY post open to page 6 and just mutter to everyone “all press is good press right? while nervously laughing.

7)

Julia Childs – With the success of that one movie i think was partly about her, we are sure you will see someone being JC (the mother of American French style cooking). This costume allows you to dress in your grandma’s clothes, rock a pearl necklace, be unreasonably tall and talk in that Julia Childs voice which after meeting her, led Joël Robuchon to say “Does she actually sound like that? She has a really really annoying voice.”

An out of work food writer. – Carry around copies of Gourmet (or a newspaper that has gone under) that feature your articles and curse bloggers, twitter, the Internet, cable TV, the food network, the economy, global warming, obama and every other thing that led to your demise.

9)

Duff Goldman – Have a sweet soul patch even though you are a doughy Jewish guy. Wear a chef’s coat and a backwards Ravens hat. Act extremely high all the time, have frosting in hand to smear on people’s face and no matter what people say, laugh super loud and kinda high pitched then say “man, that was Awesome!”

10)

Chef from South Park – A bit outdated but still one of the most amazing culinary characters of all time. First, work on your Isaac Hayes voice. Think sexy and low, then go 2 octaves lower. For your actual costume, all you you need is a red T-shirt, a chef’s hat and apron and to sing “Chocolate Salty Balls” (his trademark song) the lyrics to which can be found right here :

http://www.metrolyrics.com/chocolate-salty-balls-lyrics-south-park.html

Happy trick er’ treating and we hope that if you have energy at the end of the night, you can get some friends together for a Top Chef style cook-off.
Just pick one kind of candy each and create a dish with it in 20 minutes. It could be Revolting, but if you go for it 100% and make it your Mission, you too could be the next Top Chef.

You get an update! and you get an update! and you get an update! Freshmann in THA KITCH-ANNN!!!! October 9, 2009

Oprah, when we return to the CHI, it will be to sit on your couch. Mark our blog post. We shall return to re-conquer the windy city at your side.We got as close to you as doing an event for Common Threads started by Chef Art Smith (O’s personal chef) and since we know you love his food…next time we hope you’ll fall in love with us. We’ll sit in those over sized chairs, awkwardly tilted towards you, with that huge TV screen behind our heads looping a photoshop montage of our baby pictures. We will spill our guts about our childhood, and unlike that James Frey fellow we’ll  keep our truthiness at an all time high. Max will get a haircut so your makeup artist doesn’t recoil in horror and I’ll even refrain from  dressing like a character from The Outsiders. We checked our calendars and are thinking right before the holidays would be a good time for us. 

So for this Chicago trip we came with goals and we actually accomplished all of them (we shocked ourselves with our efficiency).

Simple Goals: We wanted to eat our faces off (which we did), we wanted to do well on TV (accomplished) and we wanted people to learn and have fun at our two demos (Whole Foods- oh fa sho, Chopping Block – great success!). Below is a picture of the Whole Foods demo kitchen and the unreasonably sweet kitchen at The Chopping Block which made our knives gently weep.

But enough about us for a min. So you are wondering where o where did we get our eat on?? There were 4 highlights.

#1 Feed http://feedrestaurantchicago.com/ - We went in a group of 5 and ordered this spread: Pulled Pork Hash w/eggs and toast,4 huge crispy Biscuits and Sausage gravy,2 orders of Chicken Fried Steak with sawmill gravy potatoes and toast, a stack of flap jacks and an extra side of potatoes. Not only does this place look awesome inside but it had a great back patio where we feasted. Afterwards we were so grossly full I begged max to carry me back to where we were staying but he couldn’t so instead we bought a wheelbarrow and he rolled me home.

#2 Takashi. www.takashichicago.com/ Max’s boss Eve knows Takashi and respects his culinary talents immensely. Max had eaten here before and told me that we absolutely had to go back. We were not disappointed…in the 10 courses we ate. Takashi’s dishes are meticulously crafted with layered flavors and beautiful presentation. The plates were sometimes simple and sometimes ornate, but always delicious. It’s fun to go to a place where you are unsure of certain flavors because then we can guess. and then Eli is wrong. We went with our friend Yaniv who is a great cook and food appreciator in his own right and I think it’s safe to say that Takashi melted his face. We didn’t order dessert and received 3 full seperate desserts (friendly Max perk). An added bonus was when I turned on Top Chef this week and saw Takashi was a judge. Awesome! After the meal,  we walked the 2 miles home from Bucktown to Yaniv’s apt. because otherwise we surely would have exploded.

#3 The Publican -www.thepublicanrestaurant.com Styled after a German beer hall, Max and I were the weird dudes that showed up at 3.30pm as waiters were arriving, prep cooks were getting into the groove and bartenders were inventory’ing. They have a smaller menu before they really open at 5.30pm so Max and I ordered the oyster sampler, the Charcuterie plate – Pork Pie, duck terrine, head cheese, morteau sausage, pickles and mustards. While the flavors were all powerful and tasty (our favorite was the headcheese) the best thing on the plate was actually the mustard selection, which made me want to buy a jar and smear them on everything for the next week. We also ordered the pretzel, the lamb pastrami sandwich with spicy aioli, daikon radish, mint & cilantro. Holy Lambchops playalong. This sandwich was so ridiculous we actually cheers’ed each other with the sandwich. We actually were laughing with our mouths full at how good this sandwich was. I think our waiter said they sous vide the lamb for 24 hours. I don’t know if that’s excessive or necessary…but regardless…that’s super bad ass. We also had the opportunity to meet the chef de cuisine and take a tour of the kitchen and walk-in (the things that will excite chefs may not excite normal people). After seeing the space we still wonder how they do 1200 covers in that place. It’s something neither of our brains could compute. 

#4 Boka - www.bokachicago.com We went to Boka right after our demo at The Chopping Block. We arrived at about 9.15pm  where Chef Giuseppe Tentori  greeted us and welcomed us personally into his restaurant. Now my brother and I don’t usually freak out about anything, but at that point, we freaked out and graciously thanked him 15 times. We hung out at the bar and sampled nearly every cocktail from the expert mixologist’s personal menu of homemade spirits. Then we sat down and the ridiculousness began. Our plan was to order 3 small appetizers and head to another bar afterwards.Well Chef had other plans as the entire wait staff approached our table with hands full and desperately tried to cram every dish onto our table. They called it the Boka Bombardment and it was like winning a culinary lottery. Some of the highlights were the raw tasting of hamachi with coconut crusted tofu, oysters, seared big eye tuna with hearts of palm puree, marinated tai snapper with picked radish(all 4 items served in a bento-box), grilled ricotta salata with butternut squash, diver sea scallops with chinese black rice, fennel dusted sweatbreads, mac and cheese with edamame, black mole infused pork belly and grilled baby octopus with eel terrine. The Chef came out and thanked us for choosing to dine at his restaurant which was sort of an absurd exchange as our mouths were crammed full of his food and we tried to tell him how insanely good it was.  We amazingly refrained from dorkilly asking to take a picture with him and mostly just bowed our heads,nodded and while covering our mouths tried to politely say “afsome food..suhpr tasty. ahmzging. oh my god..seriously.jesus.so good.” A special thanks to our two other diners that evening for their warm hospitality and another thank you to all the Chefs we met who gave us some of their time while we were in Chicago. A perfect way to close out an amazing trip. 

Below are our two TV appearances.  ABC is right below and WGN you just have to scroll down the page a lil bit. If you think we would be a good fit on your local news station, call them up and tell them about us. We’d happily make a stop in your town.