Ohhh, you’re dressed as Michael Jackson? That’s creative. October 26, 2009
Posted by Eli in : Uncategorized , trackbackIt’s the Monday before H-ween which means I’ve only been agonizing over my costume for…3 weeks. In this post, FITK gives you our top 10 favorite culinary themed costumes of the year.
Personally, I’ve already done my usual annoying field research when I run a variety of costume ideas past my circle of trust (read: whoever is on gchat at that moment) and came up with some mediocre reviews of what I had in mind.
I considered Chris Brown, Kanye West and Lil Wayne, but as I am extremely politically correct, it made no sense to provide a public showcase advocating domestic violence,alcoholism or sweet sweet dreadlocks. I’m also super weirded out by recent news reports that Billy Mays costumes are flying off shelves with his family’s blessing…(”ohh totally halloween USA, we would love it if you made a mockery of our father by reducing him to a Canadian tuxedo/glue on beard costume and thousands of kids yelling “the power of real oranges!!”) so i steered clear of being Billy (even though Oxy Clean REALLY DOES WORK) I was then SUPER STOKED to be a “Free Bernie Madoff” protester with Free Bernie T-shirt and sign…But I was told by a friend that some people who’d be at the party I will be attending are some of his victims and that would hit a lil too close to home.
Which leads me to the whole point of this post. You too are looking for something amazing to be on Halloween. You want that perfect blend of topical recognizability and creativity so you can enter with the right ”i didn’t cop out and dress as Michael Jackson” bravado. The below 10 ideas may help you get to the promise land of costume immortality which is instant recognizability, constant props for an awesome get-up and maybe even a # after your sweet culinary themed costume allowed you to break the ice with the sexy Michelle Obama.
Since food is SO HOT right now and EVERYONE is all like “I’m so into food” ,chomp chomp, blog, blog, bravo tv etc., here is FITK’s list of downright awesome culinary costumes for 2009.
1)
Guy Fiere. This dude has quite possibly the coolest/easiest job of all time. He goes to restaurants all over the U.S. and then takes gargantuan bites out of food. He follows up with mouth full-eloquent gems like “ohhhh mannnn! That’s super flavorful!” or “oh my god. That IS delicious.” If it’s a hamburger he’s eating he’ll usually say something along the lines of ”you can really taste the beef in that.” (Why he does not yet have a pull string doll is beyond comprehension). The things about Guy that make him such an awesome hween costume are: He has no manners as far as we can tell, he wears sunglasses indoors on the back of his head bc he thinks its cool to do so , he is messy as hell and doesn’t care, has no volume control and cracks grandpa pun style jokes. I mean this is a guy who has the audacity to go into other people’s restaurants and put his fingers in their master sauces then lick his fingers. If you want an awesome excuse to do all of this on haloween, Guy is your man. Remember the Arm bands and flame button down. Here’s an SNL skit for some inspiration.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/101514/saturday-night-live-cooking-al-fresco
2) A food critic : wear a turtle neck, a wig and sunglasses (or some variation of a bad disguise to “fool the waitstaff”) and then insult everything that is going on around you in a snooty tone. Make sure to pile on the insults regarding the ” limited drink selection focused mainly on Russian spirits that neglects nearly anything Spanish or from California” and the party snacks which “were offensively salty, unimaginative and wholly disappointing on a myriad of conceptual levels” leaving you the critic “confused and questioning whether the host truly evaluated how the overall experience would be harmonious and fulfilling for the party attendees.” When you leave, make sure to tell your host that “while you found the ambiance homely, the sound levels were deafening, the bathroom was in disarray and that they, (the host) only asked you how you were doing once. Pin 1/2 a gold star sticker to their chest and walk out.
3) 
Padma. Now, padma is a thunderfox, so you could go tradish h-ween and dress super sexy in a mini dress or lingere and just say “ohhhthis needs salt” and “i think mine is rare” looking around kinda aimlessly for approval, or you can go the funny route which is to be pregnant, wear a Moroccan flowing pantsuit, furrow your brow constantly and reply to every single person with compassion “please pack your knives and go.” Either way, don’t forget the arm scar.
4) 
Rachel Ray : This one can be tricky because you don’t want to come off as just being an annoying mom who uses “cool” lingo. So do a little research into her dress and hairstyle to get it right. Carry around your G.B. (”garbage bowl”) a bottle of EVOO and constantly say “how good is that! Yum-O!!!” and other baby talk phrases that she uses on a normalbasis. Also hammer home RR by making it crystal clear that you are a cook, not a chef.
(sidebar – The pic above…REALLY? Wow America, W-O-W.)
5) 
Gordon Ramsey. Get ready to have everyone hate you all night. Buy a blond wig. Wear a chef’s coat. Put a pencil in your ear. Swear at everyone. Use the F,C,T,B and R word.Knock things over in mock disgust. Call everything rubbish. Smell something and say “this smells like a baby’s diaper.” Around 11pm, make a big deal about getting a phone call hearing one of your 11 restaurants in Dubai have closed. Really milk GR for all he’s worth since as a very rich celeb chef with TV shows, he is not governed by social norms. For one night, neither are you.
6) 
Todd English – Yep, we are so going here. Slicked back hair, nice suit. Big smile. Two black eyes. Fat lip. Carry around the NY post open to page 6 and just mutter to everyone “all press is good press right? while nervously laughing.
7) 
Julia Childs – With the success of that one movie i think was partly about her, we are sure you will see someone being JC (the mother of American French style cooking). This costume allows you to dress in your grandma’s clothes, rock a pearl necklace, be unreasonably tall and talk in that Julia Childs voice which after meeting her, led Joël Robuchon to say “Does she actually sound like that? She has a really really annoying voice.”
An out of work food writer. – Carry around copies of Gourmet (or a newspaper that has gone under) that feature your articles and curse bloggers, twitter, the Internet, cable TV, the food network, the economy, global warming, obama and every other thing that led to your demise.
9) 
Duff Goldman – Have a sweet soul patch even though you are a doughy Jewish guy. Wear a chef’s coat and a backwards Ravens hat. Act extremely high all the time, have frosting in hand to smear on people’s face and no matter what people say, laugh super loud and kinda high pitched then say “man, that was Awesome!”
10)
Chef from South Park – A bit outdated but still one of the most amazing culinary characters of all time. First, work on your Isaac Hayes voice. Think sexy and low, then go 2 octaves lower. For your actual costume, all you you need is a red T-shirt, a chef’s hat and apron and to sing “Chocolate Salty Balls” (his trademark song) the lyrics to which can be found right here :
http://www.metrolyrics.com/chocolate-salty-balls-lyrics-south-park.html
Happy trick er’ treating and we hope that if you have energy at the end of the night, you can get some friends together for a Top Chef style cook-off.
Just pick one kind of candy each and create a dish with it in 20 minutes. It could be Revolting, but if you go for it 100% and make it your Mission, you too could be the next Top Chef.
Comments»
omg I love this – “please pack your knives and go…”
Can’t wait for the candy cook off at the end of the night!
Funny Funny!!! Everyone should read this : )))
Still laughing…
Love,
Bridge!
Great post guys! LOL
[...] year. Thanks to the help of the wonderful article written by our boys at Freshman in the Kitchen on culinary themed costumes we decided on Padma and Rachel Ray. Not to be a Bragging Betty but even though I was gone for the [...]