Brunch. with our without coconut water. February 5, 2011
Posted by Eli in : Uncategorized , add a commentI love brunch. And I mean Real Brunch. People sitting around at a table enjoying each others company. There is egg involved. And maybe meat. And definitely OJ and bagels. That’s brunch. Everything else is just accoutrement.
And when I say the word “brunch” I’m not talking about what some girls refer to as “brunch”. Because “girls brunch”, which is really just eating anything on a Sunday when hungover, is not really brunch. it’s just a meal that falls during a time when restaurants display brunch menus.
And for those not familiar how a “girls brunch” develops – (all via BBM of course…no one speaks until they get to “brunch”) here’s a brief synopsis:
“ohhhh my god! Last night was Ahmayzing! but now I’m totally dying! Soooooo hungover!!! I must have drank like 7 vodka tonics! Ahhhh! Did we take shots? Did I do anything stupid? I probably did! Oh my f’in god I’m looking at pics on my phone! We’re we in a limo? LOL! OMG I’m literally kissing our cab driver! Ugggg i am struggggzzzz. I need coconut water. Like right now. Coconut water makes me feel sooo amazing. Yeah like amazing enough to stand up. then i can puke and I’m like…75% normal. Ok! Let’s get brunch!”
So Brunch is supposed to be leisurely and fun and can either be about extending the fun from Saturday night into Sunday(whatever genius coined sunday funday is a genius) or about closing out the weekend. But there are certain essentials you need to include to make it a brunch:
Bagels - if you don’t have bagels at your brunch you are an idiot. This isn’t like in school where there are no dumb questions. “Should I have bagels at my brunch?” is a dumb question because the answer is unequivocally yes. Bagels are amazing with deli meats, eggs, cream cheese, jams, tuna fish, tomatoes, cucumbers,hummus,mustard, lox, peanut butter, regular butter, toasted+ dry… I’m like Bubba gump right now. Bagels are the Blake Griffin/Penelope Cruz of brunch. Sure, they are amazing on their own, but surround them with some talent and watch the fuck out.
An Egg Dish – You’ve got guests coming over but you’ve got a lot to do and need to just pop something in the oven for brunch? Fritata. Set it and forget it. Omelets to order a bit pretentious? Fine… I’ll slum it and eat a quiche if I have to. Ohh Kugel? Way to go all Jewish on this brunch. Personally, I haven’t eaten eggs after 11am for years, but if you are a late sleeper…I say get your sunny side up on all hours of the day. Also here’s a scrambled egg tip. Mix in some whole mix with the eggs as you beat them. Add salt and pepper. And beat them pretty hard and fast. Then turn the heat to 1/2 of what you usually cook your eggs at. Then cook them slow and constantly move them. You are going to have the lightest fluffiest eggs you’ve ever tasted.
Jam/Cream Cheese – You know what’s kinda bad ass when you have people over? Making something and not just buying everything. Jam or a cream cheese dips are so easy it’s kind of like cheating. I made apricot jam last week by taking a bunch of apricots, removing the pits, adding a mess of sugar, boiling the apricots then adding Certo fruit pectin. Then I jarred it and let it cool on the counter. Popped it in the fridge overnight. Jam. Bam. Did I measure anything? Of course not. This isn’t for a cookbook or something, just me jamming out. Was it messy? Ehh maybe a jammy jam stain here or there but no biggie. Took all of 4 minutes. For cream cheese, just buy some green olives, some lox and some chives. Buy a big tub of cream cheese and divide it into 3 dishes. Allow it to soften slightly on the counter. Dice the olives, lox and chives. Place each dice item into an individual container of cream cheese. Voila. 3 homemade cream cheese dips. 2 min. classy.
Fresh Squeezed OJ – Huge $4 bags of oranges are readily available at any Farmer’s Market in CA so if you live on the west coast, you have no excuse not to do the fresh squeezed routine.Now I realize if you live in Chicago the idea of trekking through 8 ft high snow drifts then taking the L to the store and then dropping $15 on oranges so you can yield enough fresh squeezed for a table is not such a logical thing. BUT…it MAKES THE BRUNCH. Just trust me on this one. Sure you can throw Tropicana in your Brita and plop it on the table. but making fresh squeezed OJ says “I spent some time making this brunch. Let’s sit and talk, and take our time and enjoy this.” It shows a bit of class, a bit of effort and makes your guests feel special. (Watch out Martha, I’m dropping mad entertaining tips on these suckas. Pretty soon I’m gonna be doing posts on homemade napkins holders. Watch ya back).
Fresh baked bread - Bread is not hard to make. It takes a few ingredients and can be a show stopper. The best part is…you can toss anything into the bread (dried fruit, nuts, chocolate) to elevate it to a whole different level. Below is a picture of the Cranberry Almond bread I made last weekend. Was it totally delicious and awesome? Uhhh was Abraham Lincoln assassinated? Enough with the dumb questions.
It’s time for brunch.
Can someone pass the fresh squeezed OJ.
We’re out of it?
Fine…I’ll drink some goddamn Coconut Water.
Ohhh You’re Dressed as The Situation? That’s creative. October 4, 2010
Posted by Eli in : Uncategorized , add a commentPICKING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME IS A SITUATION.
Every Halloween I know EXACTLY how Paris and Kim feel when they show up in ”who wore it better.” There’s always the worry me and some shmuck will show up to the party with the same costume. To help you avoid this, we’ve got ten culinary themed costumes fully primed to melt faces, but first let’s start by eliminating a few costumes you should avoid harder than Lindsay Lohan at a networking event.
WHAT COSTUMES SHOULD I AVOID?
GAGA – As fun as it would be to spend 25 hrs making a meat dress out of hand drawn cardboard pieces, someone else is already doing this, and they will probably do a better job than you. The only thing worse than showing up as Lady Gaga in her meat dress is being the 2nd best version of Lady Gaga in her meat dress.
ZUCKERBERG – If all you do is buy a Harvard sweatshirt and say you are Mark Zuckerberg I will publicly berate you for laziness. If you take it to the next level and stuff your pockets with overflowing cash,hand out “I’m the CEO…bitch” business cards, carry a laptop logged into your Facebook page and update your feed while posting photos in an event called Halloween 2010…I will maybe give you a pass for such a lame costume choice.
POLITICS – For those considering being Obama,Palin or that Wicka lady who hates masturbating; realize that political costumes are very high brow and will make you appear out of touch with Middle America. Glen Beck might pop out of an alley and punch you in the privates for being so hoity-toity and rubbing your education in hard working families faces.
KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE – And remember to know your audience for full costume success. I considered drawing a “Repossessed by Bank” sign, wearing a blazer over a T-shirt and walking with a cane but I don’t want to explain that I’m a “Foreclosed Gregory House” 46 times to a bunch of drunk girls dressed as characters from Glee.
PAULA DEEN
This lady drinks melted butter out of a glass so if you take away her money/TV show and give her a few cats she’s basically the crazy neighbor your mom told you to avoid. You’ll need a white wig and TONS of makeup. Paula’s makeup style is basically “Southern Televangelist” so cake it on there (and considering her affinity for the product, you might want to rock a butter based foundation). You’ll be able to use that southern accent you cultivated as an extra in your high school production of Oklahoma! All night you should be yelling “I’m Paula Deen Ya’ll!!” And since she figures out a way to put it in every dish, work butter into every single sentence.
SAM SIFTON
Last year we offered up a restaurant critic costume, but with Sifton, you’re gonna have to be as accurate as a Jayson Blair story to have people know who you are. To really sell this costume through to the masses, you’ll need a copy of the NYtimes rolled up in your back pocket, a certified check peeking out of your pocket signed by Joe Bastianich and a copy of Born Round under your arm with a mustache drawn on the rotund face of the 2nd grade Frank Bruni.
GAIL SIMMONS
In order to really pull this costume off you might need to line up a Tom Collichio. Toss on your finest low cut silk party dress and practice walking in high heels (it’s ok, the real Gail is bad at this too).
Snag your “Tom” impersonator and flirt with him just enough so that you come off cute but not slutty. You should make sure to reinforce most of his comments and rarely if ever disagree with him. Take your “Tom” and walk up to the host at the party, making sure to offer up such a nice smile that it can’t possibly be genuine.
You – “Hi! What do you have for us tonight?”
Host – “Uhh we’ve got some chips, pumpkin seeds and a bunch of Halloween candy.”
You -(turn to your “Tom”) “Well he definitely followed the challenge theme!”(take one bite of a pumpkin seed then turn back to the host) Thanks! We’ll see you at judges table!”
A SUPER HUNGRY STONER FOODIE
A plain old “Stoner” is a hilarious and easy costume that allows you to get super high and carrying a 3ft bong+huge bag of Doritos into a party never made anyone unpopular, but you gotta just LOVE a good “foodie stoner”.
C’mon, you know the type. He gets blazed and wants to talk about how if he didn’t smoke so much weed he could save up to go to El Bulli and how if he just got his shit together he would totally open up his top secret Ostrich omelet bar-frozen yogurt-sliders fusion restaurant that he knows is the next hot trend.
So strap on your 2-tone dreadlocks wig, make a gravity bong out of 2 liter, raid the fridge and act super confused regardless of how easy the other costumes are to identify.
A POP-UP RESTAURANT
Like the dude above, once LA pop’ed we just can’t stop. For this costume, you’ve got to embrace your inner guerilla performance artist.
Show up at a party uninvited. Unpack limited kitchen supplies, cutlery and plates, some candles and minimal decoration (just enough to make the place “your own”), some great produce (changes every day!) and start cooking right there in the middle of the party. (You make your own rules – you’re a pop-up restaurant!)
Presumably someone will want a reservation but kindly explain the detailed twitter process and that no, you don’t take phone reservations because…well… you don’t have a phone.
Then, as fast as you arrived, pack everything up and rush out. Everyone will be speculating what party you’ll pop up at next. “I heard he’s popping up next at a party in Santa Monica!” “Really? the westside?? It’s kinda an old crowd over there.” “I heard he’s going to a costume party in Silverlake!” “Ugh that’s so far! But I’d go to see that costume again for sure!” Some asshole is bound to blog that your costume was overrated, but don’t let it get you down. Mystique is your deadliest weapon.
GULF COAST SEAFOOD
1)Buy a shrimp or crab costume.
2) Pour Hershey’s Chocolate sauce all over it.
3) Let it dry (or don’t).
4) Put on the costume.
5) Carry around a bottle of Castrol GTX.
Congratulations, in 5 easy steps you’ve just made a mockery of one of our nation’s worst national disasters and insulted large portion of many U.S. states.
Costume successery? Ummm…Yes.
ANTHONY BOURDAIN
A Bourdain costume gives you the same carte blanche for recklessness as a Pete Doherty costume. Spend all night cigarette in hand on historical diatribes and pop culture infused tangents dropping words like omnipotent and acrimonious into casual conversation while taking yourself on a culinary journey to getting royally shit housed.
Straight leg light jeans, a white button down with the sleeves rolled up and some black ray bans. Possess what some would call an insatiable thirst for booze.
Eat some hunks of meat with your bare hands while comparing its flavorings to the writing of an obscure 19th century novelist, drop one pop culture Lindsay Lohan bomb, set up your hammock, hop in and fall asleep right there in the middle of the party. Anthony Bourdain parties harder in his sleep than you do awake anyways.
THE CHAIRMAN
Can you do backflips? Are you vaguely Asian looking but not actually Asian? Do you get SUPER excited by listing ingredients loudly, making very awkward sustained eye contact and doing air karate chops? If all of these apply to you, then it’s settled: you are being The Chairman for Halloween. Here’s a few other bonuses to being The Chairman – 1) You can still wear a suit without dressing as Don Draper. 2) no face makeup necessary 3)possibly the only logical reason to ever show off your ability to do a backflip without looking like a major douche.
A 2010 CULINARY FUED
Bayless went at it with Jonathan Gold. Alton Brown called out Adam Richman. To pull off either costume you’ll need 2 people. Interestingly, for either feud you choose you’ll need one robust well fed gentleman and one bespectacled gaunt guy .
Being Richman for Halloween allows you to enter any party, pop the collar on your weird army-ish coat of the day,throw up the MvF sign, proceed sweating profusely and then eat everything in sight in what one might describe as a gluttonous fashion. Whoever plays Alton Brown can just be gaunt with a teaspoon of flamboyant and a dash of smugness.
If you decide to be Bayless for Halloween all you have to do is know absolutely nothing about authentic Mexican food in LA and slap your name on something that looks like it fell out the butt crack of Las Vegas. People should catch on to your costume pretty quick.
A FOOD TRUCK
Go find your idiot roommate who’s been hoarding all the cardboard making her Lady Gaga meat dress. Now cut out a truck and make sure that your face appears through the side cutout. Pick an obscure ethnic style food that you are sure everyone in the city will become obsessed with(we suggest having a fleet of 3 trucks,calling them The Nina, The Pinta and the Santa Maria and serving Columbus style food. No one’s done that yet). Once you’ve got your costume made, SET UP A TWITTER. Every truck has a twitter! How will all your friends know where your costume has broken down on the way to party? For full authenticity, we suggest standing illegally in parking spots for long periods of time, hanging out outside of restaurants until they call the cops on you and whatever your best dish is, tell everyone you ran out 2 min ago.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
May your night be blessed with you waking up not in jail and hopefully not in a bed filled with melted Chocolate bars still crammed in your pockets. You won’t remember it was chocolate…and for like 10 seconds…your world will come crashing down.
Step aside Billy Crystal, the Sussman boys are renting tuxedos. September 15, 2010
Posted by Eli in : Events, Taste of the Nation, Uncategorized , add a comment
We feel incredibly honored to be hosting the 2010 Share Our Strength Leadership Awards in Washington D.C. at the annual Conference of Leaders. It’s a night for SOS to celebrate excellence within the organization and to honor its community leaders, participating chefs, corporate partners and event innovators.
We stand united with SOS in the pursuit to end childhood hunger. A dozen awards will be given this year to distinguished individuals who have donated time, money, sweat and love to the organization.
The Leadership Awards culminate the 2010 conference and take place Sunday Oct. 17th at The Fairmont Hotel in D.C. Sandra Lee is a featured speaker and some amazing chefs will be in attendance. 5 chefs (all top secret) will be catering the reception prior to the awards. (once we are allowed to say who, we’ll let you know).
Max and I are working diligently on a great comical song number to kick off the night that will feature many of the nominees accomplishments to the tune of 2010’s big hits from Lady GaGa, Eminem, Taylor Swift and Kanye West.* Additionally, Pauly D from the cast of Jersey Shore will be presenting an award for “best cooking TV show personality of the year”!**
Learn more about the event here:
http://www.strength.org/conference/colleadership/
*This is a lie.
*If you believed this, you are ridiculous. It’s also a lie.
Top Ramen, Eat Your Heart Out August 8, 2010
Posted by Eli in : Uncategorized , add a commentSometimes, great recipes just come together. Any chef will tell you “it’s all in the ingredients.” This dish is a true celebration of that statement.Here are a few rules for executing this dish. It’s quite emotionally laborious (you will need to face a lot of demons to make it) so that’s why there are a few pre-requisites.
1) You must be in an insanely lazy mood. I mean, so lazy you do not even want to google a restaurant to deliver food to you. Driving is simply out of the question. You are in a “Barely able to change the channel off the Sat night TNT movie” mood.
2) You must be kinda to very broke. The idea of spending $10+ on delivery is literally sickening.
3) You have to have basically ZERO groceries in your house. I mean, you have to be able to see every single inch of the back wall of your fridge. The weird circle ring stain from the soy sauce bottle is about the only think separating your fridge from it’s original factory specs.
4) You don’t even have time to make real rice. Correct. You only have instant rice. (who even owns instant rice? Ahh yes -the super delegates of the lazy party).
5) You don’t even have any meat to add to the dish. You only have 5 baby carrots from a basically empty veggie platter that may be like 2 weeks old.
RECIPE:
1) cook instant rice in tupperware. Cook 3 min or until fluffy.
2) cut up old baby carrots and add to the instant rice.
3) cover in soy sauce/Hoisin sauce.
4) serve with cup of tap water.
Congrats you are either the poorest SOB alive, the laziest SOB alive, or just trying to push the boundaries of really using everything up before going grocery shopping. Either way, you are a true food connoisseur.
Check someone off your list! We are giving away 2 signed cookbooks! One for you, one for them! November 10, 2009
Posted by Eli in : Uncategorized , add a commentMoney is definitely tight right now so we want to help alleviate (a small amount) of the holiday shopping burden by giving you 2 signed copies of our cookbook “Freshman in the Kitchen.” Keep one for yourself or give both away, we’ll sign em both to whomever and ship them directly to your door with plenty of time to have them wrapped for the holidays.
To win the “FreshmanKitchen personalized cookbooks Contest” all you need to do is:
1) Go to www.youtube.com/freshmankitchen
2) Watch our reel video AND leave a comment
3)Log into twitter and tweet this message “I just entered to win 2 signed cookbooks from @freshmankitchen! Contest info : www.youtube.com/freshmankitchen” (the remaining 42 characters are yours if you want em!)
We will contact the randomly selected winner via twitter at the end of this month!
GOOD LUCK! And remember that you can also buy our cookbook by clicking on the very not subtle sky blue link to your upper right.
